Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize