A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
