This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
