just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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