how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
