I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Less talking, more tequila
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
the gays at disneyland are vicious
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
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