Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
