Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
