yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
it's like heaven, but drunker
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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