WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
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Strip Mario-Kart
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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