I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
