get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
