The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize