My hand turned me down
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
