you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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