The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
ugly people sure do ruin things
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
