I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
