He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
