She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
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