these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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