i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
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I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
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It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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