I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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