Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
