My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
