I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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