Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
