Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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