Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Randomize
