Swine flu. Run for my life!
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
