im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
