Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
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