I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
She even gives head with a lisp.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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