I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
