You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
