dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
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The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
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just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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