I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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