1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
