Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Randomize
