why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
