a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
