Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
