pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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