My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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