You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
