I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Randomize
