I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
