Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I faked an abortion last night.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
