Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
