oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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