I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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