During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
