I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
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U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
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So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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