He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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