I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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