I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Randomize
