Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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