First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
