i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
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I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
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I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
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