similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
