Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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