Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
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