Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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