I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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