If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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