I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
