i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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