Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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